These Guys.

These guys, they are pretty much my everything these days.

Bryan's on vacation this week and today he took Jon out on a little field trip. It was the first time I've been alone in our house since before Jon was born. It was weird as hell, but nice, too. I spent a few minutes cleaning, a few minutes on the computer, a few minutes reading a book and stuffing my face with junk food... and most of the time wondering how my boys were doing. :) Technology is awesome, though, because I got updates from Bryan occasionally, including this photo and the caption that Jon likes shopping at Target:

Me, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

The Breastfeeding Battle

**I started writing this post weeks ago it seems. For some reason I feel like I can't get on with posting regular, lighthearted stuff until I get this out of my system. So here goes.

Before Jon was born, I had it in my head that I wanted to be one of those mothers who follows her instincts. I acquired a parenting book or two, but I didn't even open them. When people asked if I had read any of them, I replied that I know each child is different, and I planned to just get to know my kid and go with the flow.

I did have a few things I intended to succeed at when it came to becoming a mother. I planned for a natural, drug-free birth, although I knew that things happen that could thwart that plan. I planned to breastfeed--what is more natural or beautiful than providing your child's nourishment and bonding at the same time?

I didn't realize how much I was holding on to these things until Jon actually came into our lives and... what's that they say about the best laid plans? A series of events out of my control took away that natural birth I wanted. And then my milk didn't come in right away, and that's where the battle began.

Breastfeeding was supposed to be easy, as far as I knew. I watched my mom do it with my brother and sister with no problems, I know tons of moms who do it or have done it, it's what nature intended, so why wouldn't it be easy? When it wasn't, I started talking to more and more people and realized that, okay, it's not always without struggles, but if you're determined, you make it work. And also, they have these great folks called lactation consultants who help you through it. Excellent.

So since Jon wasn't getting enough nourishment from me in the first days, we began supplementing with bottles. He'd nurse, then he'd get a couple ounces in a bottle. And thus began the battle.

My milk finally came in, but I had to get my supply up to have Jon exculsively breastfeed.

We met with a lactation consultant, Linda.

We rented a hospital grade pump at her suggestion.

Jon got diagnosed with a milk protein allergy--I was instructed to cut dairy out of my diet completely. Of course I would. Anything for my son.

Time passed and Jon began to refuse the breast after just a couple of minutes--he was only satisfied by the faster flow of the supplement bottle.

We met with the lactation consulant again.

I was steady losing weight, now weighing less than I had in 6 years--I lost about 35 lbs in the first week after he was born, and another 10 by the time he was 5 weeks old.

We decided to get rid of the bottles and use a supplementer--basically a canteen strapped around your neck with tubes coming out that you tape to your nipple. Jon nursed well with it, even though it was a royal pain in the ass.

And then he began refusing the breast unless the supplementer was on it.

Feedings took at least an hour, between the supplementing and the pumping and the struggling to get Jon to actually eat.

Linda kept telling me that eventually he would take less of the supplement and eventually would exclusively breastfeed. I saw no progress toward this, and I was becoming more and more depressed and anxious at every feeding.

When I started to feel resentful towards my son that he wouldn't JUST breastfeed, even though I knew I had the supply he needed, I knew something needed to change. Feeding my son was supposed to be our special time to bond, to look into each others eyes and just be together, the two of us, mother and son. And instead, I watched the clock and dreaded each feeding, having no idea how it was going to go, feeling like I was failing as a mother because I couldn't make it work the way it was supposed to.

There was one Monday when Jon was just over 6 weeks old that I think I talked to 5 or 6 different people, each with a different perspective that helped me realize what I needed to do. And so I decided to stop breastfeeding when Jon was 7 weeks old.

I can't explain how hard it was. What may have been the most frustrating part is that I have never looked down on any mother I know who fed her child formula, yet I just could not make the decision to do that myself. I cried a lot over the next several weeks--I still get sad about it, truth be told. While I have realized that it was the right choice for us, I still wish something had been different. And yet, I don't fret too much over it anymore, because I see how much better I feel, how much better Jon is, how we actually are able to both enjoy feeding time.

I also stopped fretting over it because I have learned that, as a mother, I could beat myself up over a million decisions I have made and will make as a mother, but all I can do is my best.

Welcoming Baby Jon

One month ago today, Bryan and I welcomed Jon David Klinger into our lives.

Jon was born on April 25 at 10:43am and weighed 7lbs2oz, he was 21 inches long. Seems like I should have blogged about his arrival before now, but, well, this being a mommy business is kind of time consuming, and since Bryan and I both now have 200% more to do every day, blogging just wasn't a priority!

Labor was 43.5 hours. A fair amount of that was pretty easy, because I planned to have Jon naturally, and even though I had to be induced for preeclampsia (a high blood pressure condition in pregnancy), the team at MCV was willing to induce me slowly to try to achieve that. 30.5 hours in, even though Bryan was the absolute most amazing husband and labor partner a girl could ask for, Jon was facing forward and my back labor was so intense and I was so tired that I decided to get an epidural. Of course, that slowed my labor way down, and it took pitocin to get things rolling again. Another 9 hours later, it was finally time to push. By this time, though, I was exhausted, and couldn't seem to find the right power to push Jon out. I pushed for four hours before the doctors finally used forceps to get our son past that final hurdle and out into the world.

We have loved Jon since before he was born, and each day with him we love him more and more. Being parents has proven to be exactly what everyone always says before you actually earn that title: the hardest but most rewarding job in the world. Of course, what that really means and entails can't be expressed to someone who hasn't lived it. We learned that fast. At times it has been incredibly challenging and exhausting, but then Jon is in your arms, and your heart melts and you understand that it's so worth it...



I can't believe he's already a month old. It seems like forever ago that he was born, and yet it seems like no time has passed at all. And here I thought the past 10 years since I graduated college have flown by. A couple of weeks ago we went and visited my dad, and as we left his neighborhood, school buses were dropping off elementary school kids. I thought about what I was doing 5 years ago, and how recent that seems, and how in 5 years, Jon will be toting his little backpack to kindergarten... wow.

I intend to do my best to enjoy every moment of his life that I can. I am so grateful to call myself his mother, and I can't wait to watch him grow into a toddler, a boy, a man...

My son.


If you'd like to see more pictures of dear Baby Jon, you can visit our Picasaweb album by clicking here.

LDB Week 38: Oh, wow, there's a person coming out of me soon.

I just realized I haven't updated about our dear LDB since week 33! So much has happened in the past 5 weeks!

At week 34, we had 2 baby showers--one with my family, one with my friends. The family shower was at my Grandma's house:


The next day, my friend Leslie gave me a shower at my house, complete with a henna artist who painted my big ol' belly! :)


Both showers were lots of fun, although I have to admit I was exhausted and probably not the most exciting guest of honor. :)

Since then, we have been working diligently to get everything ready for LDB's arrival. Primarily, we had a lot of work to do on the nursery! We've finally got it painted, furniture in, clothes hung in the closet, and I'm working on organizing all of the many, many tiny things that come with babies. So we're not done 100%, but we are at least at a place where if he comes, we're generally ready for him. I'm also fooling myself into thinking that if there's still stuff to do after he gets here, I have 12 weeks of maternity leave to get it done. Am I hilarious or what? :)

Yesterday a friend at work reminded me that both of her children were born before she ever got as far along in pregnancy as I am now. I don't know if it was her saying that, or if something just clicked, but all of the sudden I just felt like he really might come at any minute. Technically, as I write this, I am 2.5 weeks from my due date, and I don't really think he's coming today or tomorrow, but the fact is that he COULD! And ain't that somethin'.

And for those tracking the belly progress, here's me at 36 weeks, so about a week and a half ago. And that is the nursery I'm standing in. I'll take more pics of that once it's done to my liking. :)

Guess I'm becoming a Kroger customer.

Our fabulous family-owned supermarket chain in the Richmond area, Ukrop's, was purchased by Giant/Martin's last year. Everyone knew change was a'comin', but I wasn't really sure what to expect. My experience with Giant has mainly been in PA, and I have never really been impressed. Word on the street was that the Ukrop's stores were turning into Martin's, not Giants, but still, same company.

So last week, the change happened. My Ukrop's closed down for a week and a day and reopened this past Monday as a Martin's. Or, excuse me, MARTIN'S. Because it's in all caps everywhere. Which is annoying to start with. (Only LOST can get away with that in my world.)

Today I ventured into Martin's for the first time. Immediate impression: TACKY. Big plastic signs everywhere? Excusable, I suppose, since they need to announce the changeover. Workers wearing lime green shirts, and lime green accents on the shopping carts? Too bright, need sunglasses! That bright green faux grass being used as dividers between the meat? What is this, the 80's? And the price tags stuck to the shelves. Jeez louise, I guess those suckers were on serious sale from their print company, because you almost couldn't see the damn food past them!

And then there's the lighting. And people, I'm gonna be honest. I'm kind of--no, I'm DEFINITELY--weird about lighting in stores. If it's the wrong color, I don't like to shop there. Stores that meet my approval are Walgreen's (not CVS or Rite Aid) and Target (not Wal-Mart or K-Mart), and Ukrop's, Harris Teeter and Kroger (not Food Lion and, now, not Martin's). I don't know what it is exactly... it's yellow-y flourescent lights I don't like in particular (although Wal-Mart doesn't usually have that problem... Wal-Mart is just Wal-Mart). Not that I never go to places of whose lighting I disapprove, I just strongly prefer other places. And my new Martin's has that damn offensive yellow-y flourescent lighting.

Oh, and the kicker, as I was checking out, fully aware that this store was not going to be my weekly go-to grocery spot, I hear the kid working the register next to mine say "I think I need a beer." WHAT?! You can't say that when you work at a store that used to not even SELL alcohol and used to have signs that told everybody to go to church on Sunday! Blasphemy!

All of this means that my Kroger Plus Card is going to be getting a lot more mileage from now on. Unless I need a cake or cupcakes, because, thank GOD, Martin's is still selling Ukrop's baked goods. If they weren't, I'd totally be in mourning.

Farewell, dear Ukrop's, you will be missed.

The end of an era.

Bryan performs his last bit of maintenance before letting the TurboTalon go.

When I met my husband, he had this car that he loved. A 1993 Eagle Talon tsi. I don't know what the tsi stands for, but it has something to do with it being a turbo. He had put thousands of dollars into souping it up, and liked to take it to the race track to drag race it on occasion. Every online identity he had (email addresses, instant messenger names) had something to do with a TurboTalon. Not long after we met, he rebuilt the transmission for the first time. Then he did it again a couple years later, I forget why. It was super fast when it actually worked, and he was definitely like a little kid when he was driving it. As a matter of fact, the only time I ever saw the man sing along with the radio was in that car.

A couple of years ago, after another transmission rebuild, we took it out for a spin and he laid into it a little too hard in first gear while making a turn, and the engine started knocking. Somehow, he never got around to fixing it, and for several years now, it has been sitting in our garage, waiting for some attention.


Well, tonight, the TurboTalon has gone on to a new life. Bryan finally admitted to himself that with the baby coming and with the amount of time that has passed since he actually did anything to it and lack of space we have to keep it around, it was time to let her go. Luckily he found a guy (one of eight who responded to his Craigslist ad within the first 24 hours) who has an extra Talon engine hanging around and who wants to give the TurboTalon a new life. I think that's a little better than if it had been someone who just wanted to tear it apart for the parts. At least now he knows she'll be hitting the drag strip again someday.

Bye bye, TurboTalon!

I know he was sad to see her go, but he's pretty happy to actually be able to open his toolbox in the garage now. Of course, it took less than 5 minutes for him to fill the empty space of the garage with the 3 motorcycles and dirt bike that are still housed there. :)

LDB (almost) Week 33: Our Big Headed Boy

Today we had one more ultrasound to make sure LDB's little heart is all right (I have a form of Lupus that could have caused problems, but thankfully, his heart is perfectly fine!), and we got to have one last look at our little man before he makes his debut in 7(ish) short weeks.

Of course they do all kinds of measurements, and he is weighing in currently at about 5 pounds. His body is slightly bigger than average, but his HEAD. People, this boy's HEAD is measuring 5 weeks bigger than his actual gestational age! Next to the measurement on the screen, it said something like 97th percentile. His body is more like 60th.

When I think about it, we do have pretty big heads in my family. Bryan's family's heads are pretty average. We have decided this means he's gonna be hella smart. :) I am trying not to think of the implications this has for natural birth. :)

We also got the ultrasound tech to turn on the 4D ultrasound so we could get a more realistic picture of LDB's sweet big-headed face.

People, HOW CUTE IS OUR SON AND HIS LITTLE SMUSHED NOSE?!

LDB Week 32: 8 weeks to grow!

Yes, people, this belly is getting a little unwieldy. I look at it daily and think, "HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU HAVE EIGHT MORE WEEKS OF GROWTH LEFT IN YOU!?" Oh dear. :)

Everything is going well. It's hard for me to believe sometimes, considering at the beginning of my pregnancy there was so much talk of me being high risk for so many different reasons. That is, of course, not to say that I'm guaranteed to have no problems from here on out, but apart from getting more uncomfortable every day, I'm feeling good!

LDB has not slowed his dance practicing in there. I read the other day that this is supposed to be the peak time for movement, and from here on out he'll be getting so squished that he won't move as much. I'll believe that when I feel it. In true baby-in-utero form, he moves the most when I'm laying down and trying to go to sleep. And to be honest, it kind of freaks me out sometimes. It feels like an alien in there, trying to get out. Strange feeling. Aren't women supposed to feel their babies' movements even more in pregnancies after the first? Man, that must be bizarre.

The reality that in less than two months we're going to be someone's Mom and Dad is sinking in. I have never been one to claim I have any clue what I'm in for. Basically, I plan for it to be harder than anything I can imagine. I have moments where I'm totally overwhelmed by that, but generally, I can not wait to meet my son. MY SON! Holy crap. How'd I ever get old enough to be about to become a mother?!

My nesting instincts have certainly kicked in, but unfortunately this has coincided with every power station wife's favorite time of year, outage season! Bryan has been lucky enough to get a day off each week this month (in years past, sometimes he was lucky to get one day off a MONTH), although last weekend he ended up with a nasty virus that had him laid up in the bed and rendered him pretty useless to do any heavy lifting. And then when he's working 14-15 hour days, I feel bad handing him a honey do list on the one day of rest he gets. So we have made progress in getting the nursery together, but not a lot. We really wanted to get rid of some of the chaos in the house before LDB brings his own brand of chaos, so that has delayed the process a little bit, but for good reason. I'm glad we're not just tossing crap on top of crap to make room for baby.

So anyway, we do have his crib and dresser, along with all of the gear we've received from the baby shower. I'm hoping by the end of the month the room will be painted and his furniture will be in there. Once that's done, I feel like I'll be able to relax a little about it. :)

Next weekend is shower extravaganza! Saturday is my family shower, Sunday is my friends shower. I'm excited for both, and hoping that we will actually be able to find each other in the house amidst all the baby stuff when they're through. :)

LDB Weeks 28-30: Party time!

Weeks 28-30 were marked by LDBs introduction to the party scene.

Originally, our first baby shower, given by Bryan's mom, was scheduled for the first weekend we were back from Mexico. As it turned out, there was another snow storm coming that weekend, and while it actually didn't affect us or Bryan's parents all that much, the area between the two of us (DC, Maryland, Southeastern PA) got hammered. Bryan was ready to just go, but ultimately his mother and I decided we might as well just reschedule for the following weekend. Thankfully, the guests were available and the switch went pretty smoothly (at least as far as I know... :) ).

We headed up to PA the following weekend, where my belly was the cause for celebration. LDB got all kinds of wonderful things, including what turned out to be about a 2.5 foot tall pile of clothes once I unpacked everything. I knew babies take over your house, and I feel like I'm starting to get a little inkling of just how completely true this is! :) It was a lovely shower, and I'm so grateful to my mother-in-law for her hard work and to my in-laws for being so great! (Check out a couple more photos from the shower here.)

The next weekend was the Arthritis Foundation's annual black-tie gala, the Crystal Ball. Ever since I left there for VCU, I have been on the Crystal Ball planning committee. It's a very fun event and being on the committee allows me to still be involved in event planning, which I admit I miss sometimes. Bryan donned his tuxedo, and I managed to fit LDB and myself into a dress I had worn a couple of years ago. Normally I'm a bit of a priss about not reprising a dress, but why in the heck would I spend money for a maternity formal dress if I can avoid it?

We had a great time at the Crystal Ball. It's always so much fun to see all of our Arthritis Foundation family, and they were all thrilled to see LDB. :) You can see more pictures from our fun evening here.

LDB Week 26: Baby goes to Mexico!

Pretty much anyone who knows me knows that I am a travel junkie. I get the itch about every, oh, month or two. :) I typically don't manage to talk Bryan into big trips that often, but I am fortunate that I have a husband who also enjoys traveling.

I had heard of the concept of a "babymoon"--one last trip as a couple before you have a young'un to tote around, too. Of course, I welcome any suggestion to travel. We have been talking about going back to the Riviera Maya, Mexico for a couple of years now, because we had such a great honeymoon there. I thought that seemed like the perfect place for our babymoon... a nice, but affordable, all-inclusive and lots of relaxation and good weather!

Bryan was a little resistant at first, I think mostly because he was concerned about me traveling. Luckily, I talked to my doctor about it and he told me he had absolutely no problem with it. Once I had the okay from the doc, Bryan was on board! Of course, that turned out to be just about 2.5 weeks before we wanted to go, but we have a great travel agent and we don't have a problem with fast planning. :)

Everything was coming along smoothly until the week we were supposed to leave. The forecast for our departure day, Saturday, started to look crappier and crappier--a big snow was coming! We tried not to worry about it, knowing how Richmond weather usually turns out (i.e., prediction = 6" snow, reality = 24 hours of rain), but the closer we got to Saturday, the more evident it became that the weather was really going to be an issue.

Early Friday morning, US Airways issued a travel waiver notice on their website. Anyone with plans to leave from certain airports (including Richmond) on Saturday could choose to change their travel itinerary to avoid the weather with no penalty! My boss said, "Why don't you just leave today?" Well, besides the fact that Bryan had been on night shift all week (so had just gotten off of work and had not slept), I hadn't packed (because I had all Friday night), and we had nowhere to stay Friday night (our reservation started Saturday), there really wasn't much reason not to go ahead and go.

So that's what we did. :)

While we stayed at a Courtyard in Cancun that Friday night, we actually ended up getting practically a whole extra day in our vacation, because we originally wouldn't have gotten to our resort until probably 6pm or 7pm on Saturday, and we ended up getting there a little after 11am.

Our five days were spent at Dreams Puerto Aventuras. It was a very nice resort, with a nice beach and a couple of nice pools. The food wasn't gourmet, but it was pretty good, and that was good enough for us. Our room was lovely and the weather was perfect--low 80's and mostly sunny most of the time. We took a trip one of the days to Coba, a Mayan ruins site, and also visited a Mayan family and a cenote, which is a sinkhole that is basically a fresh water swimming hole in the jungle.

It was incredibly relaxing and wonderful to have a little bit of time to just be with each other and not stress about work or getting the house ready for the baby or figuring out what's for dinner. Just this last week I emailed Bryan and said, "remember when our only job was to get up and eat breakfast and decide whether we were going to sit by the beach or the pool? I miss that job." Can't say I'd object to spending the rest of my pregnancy that way. :)

You can check out our pictures in our Picasa web album by clicking here.