Okay, well, I guess you probably could, but these two stories are real live news items from CNN this morning. I almost barfed on the bus coming in to work while reading the headlines in my email about this first one:
FDA says residue is frog or toad; how did it get in Pepsi can?
Yes. You read that right. Some poor, poor man in Florida took a big ol' swig of his Diet Pepsi as he was cooking some food on the grill, and was greeted with a *SCHLOP* right into the kisser. And that *SCHLOP* turned out to be a GUTLESS FROG OR TOAD! Oh, mama! The wife said when she took the can away and dumped out all of the Diet Pepsi, what started coming out looked like "pink linguine."
HO-LEE MOSES. If that ain't enough to get you off the soft drinks!
There's a picture on the CNN site if you've got a strong stomach or are just morbidly curious. :)
And then, there was this story:
Stranger allegedly slaps crying child in store
Some lady had her kid in Wal-Mart in Georgia, and the 2-year-old was pissed. Girlfriend would not stop crying. I guess it was really bothering this old dude, because he decided he would take the parenting of this child into his own hands (literally). He told the mom if she didn't shut the kid up, then he would. And when Little Miss did not quit with the crying, he sure did. He found them in the next aisle and SLAPPED THE CHILD! Like four or five times, they said!
You know, I bet you that man is the type who sits around with his older friends talking about how parents nowadays just let their kids walk all over them, and what kids these days need is a little discipline! A good smack never hurt anybody when I was growing up! I mean, besides turning me into the type of person who would slap a stranger's 2-year-old in the face!
Mr. Slaphappy was arrested, but first he did apologize to the mother. And I'm sure he said, "If you'd do that a little more often, she wouldn't be so ornery!"
Man, the world is awesome. ;-)