An Open Letter to Rihanna.

Dear Rihanna,

I've been following the stories about Chris Brown assaulting you for the past several weeks. I was sad for you when I first heard, but hoped somehow it was just an argument that got a little out of hand.

Then the photo came out of you the night of the attack. I honestly thought I might vomit when I saw it. It was obvious that what you experienced that night was no lovers' quarrel. You were beaten in a way that no one should EVER be beaten.

Then came the news that you were back together with Chris Brown and hanging out in Miami together. My heart sunk. How could you send this message to all of the young people who admire you and follow your life? It is NOT okay for you to go back to your abuser. You don't even have the excuse that you have nowhere else to go, or that you can't make it on your own. You are beautiful, successful, independent woman. Yet you chose to go back to the man who beat you, and in doing so told every little girl in the world that if your boyfriend hits you, you forgive him if you love him.

Then today, TMZ released the full Search Warrant and Affidavit. As I read it I realized that a piece of me was still hoping there was more to the story than we knew--that somehow it wasn't really as bad as that picture looked. Instead, what happened that night is much worse than I could have imagined.

Rihanna, you are a victim of domestic violence. You have experienced what way too many millions of women experience and don't know how to escape. Being assaulted the way you were is NEVER forgiveable. Ever. And it WILL happen again. And again. And again. Until you decide that you will not allow it to happen again.

Please do not turn a blind eye to the monster you've decided you love. I'm sure he came crawling back with apologies and gifts and promises to never do that again. I'm sure you want to give him another chance. But you can't. You chose a career that has turned you into a role model, and you OWE IT to your fans to NOT be with your abuser. Otherwise, young men will see that if they lose their tempers and put a beat down on their girlfriends that they'll be forgiven--and given a chance to do it again. Young women will see that boyfriends get angry sometimes and even though they might hit you, as long as they apologize and say they love you, the deserve another chance--to do it again. These are not the lessons you should be teaching.

I wish I knew you. I'd be on my knees begging you to do the right thing here: press charges, make a public statement about how domestic violence is NEVER okay, and begin a mission to assure other women never have to experience what you did that night.

Please, please, please, please, please seek counseling and advice from professionals who know about this sort of thing, and please listen to what they say.

Pleadingly,
lydia

Nature's Prozac

"Spring at Giverny" by Claude Monet, image from the Kreeger Museum

Every year around the end of January, I start getting frustrated at the weather and really wanting snow. By this time my evenings are spent under a blanket (or two) on the couch, eating take-out food that I've convinced my husband to pick up on his way home and watching TV. I moan and whine about how cold I am and how annoying it is for it to be freezing outside and yet we have NO SNOW. Generally I become sort of a Crabby McCrabbypants. I don't feel like myself, and while there are things I could point to here or there that might account for my attitude, there's really nothing in particular I can pin down to blame.

And then comes a weekend like this past one, where the sun comes out and I don't have to wear a coat and a nice breeze blows. Suddenly, I feel wonderful and cheerful and even things that would otherwise send me into a royal funk don't succeed at totally bringing me down. Springtime weather in February is nature's Prozac. I accomplished more this past weekend than I have in months... and not just errands or chores, I'm talking shopping, cooking, exercising... heck, I even helped Bryan out in the garage (just a little bit).

So I don't really care about snow right now. I'm sure once it gets cold again (which it will), I'll go back to praying for a good blizzard that will at least give me a snow day, but I am so grateful for the reminder that sunny days aren't too terribly far off. I'll try to hang on to this warmth in my soul for a month or two longer until spring settles in. :)