Morning Rant: Dumb Drivers on Cell Phones

So here's the thing. I am not one of those people who believe talking on your cell phone while driving should be illegal. Some people are intelligent enough that they can do two things at once. And when I say "two things at once," I mean 1) hold device to your head and 2) pretend like you're driving with just one hand and talking to the passenger in your car. People drive with one hand all the time, and people talk to others in the vehicle all the time. The fact that you're talking on a cell phone really, truly should not have that big of an impact on your ability to control your automobile.

The problem is, there are idiots out there. People who, I guess when I think about it, are still good at doing two things at once, but they are the wrong two things... namely, 1) hold device to your head and 2) forget that you're driving a 2000+ lb vehicle and just pretend you're sitting on your couch talking to your best friend/aunt/husband/kid. What's worse is when people do this who are driving larger than average vehicles, like those giant-ass 1970's style vans. (I know there's a name for them, but I can't think of what it is... you know, the pre-minivan-van.)

I encountered someone like this today on my drive in to work. And probably the reason I'm ranting about it right now is that I first was just pissed that this person could not control their car--I didn't know why. As we're coming up on the fast lane toll on the Powhite, Ms. GiantAssGrayVan just slowly coasts right over in front of me, going about 15mph slower than I am. Her lane switch wasn't because there was someone in front of her or anything--there was no one else in her lane for a good 1/4 mile. Then, as we came out of the toll, she was just drifting around, halfway coming into the lanes on either side of the one I assume she intended to drive in. I had gotten out from behind her, but I'll be damned if I'm going to try to pass someone who's driving like they're asleep or drunk or dead. So I waited for the next lane over to be clear, two full lanes away from Ms. GiantAss, and drove past.

Of course I had to do that thing where you look over at the person to give them a rude face while you give her the ol' Yosemite Sam, and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW! Ms. GiantAss was just a'gabbin' away on her cell phone! You could tell by looking at her that she was in her own little world, with zero regard for the fact that she was driving a beast of a vehicle in morning rush hour traffic on the Powhite. Seriously, woman, you give cell phones a bad name!

Maybe talking on the phone while driving should be part of your driving test, and if you can't do it, then they put that on your driver's license, kind of like when you have to wear glasses to drive. That way, the police can pull you over if they see you driving like an idiot while talking on your cell, and if you're one of those people who has been deemed too dumb to drive on the phone, they can give you a ticket. If you're not driving like an idiot, then no one cares.