Sad Day in Gameville.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I was half-watching Good Morning America. While I was putting my socks on, I happened to catch a commercial for Monopoly. When's the last time you saw one of those? I can't remember one for a long time...

But anyway, it was tragic. Truly a sad day in the world of board games. Why?

THEY MAKE A NO-CASH MONOPOLY NOW!

What the hell? The whole point of monopoly is the MONEY! But now you can buy it where each person gets a freaking DEBIT CARD! They're calling it "Monopoly Electronic Banking Edition."

Now, in my real life, I hardly ever use cash. So I get it that this edition is more current, more accurate to how money is handled in the world today. But here are some reasons I find this a really sad move on the part of Parker Brothers:

-Counting Monopoly money teaches you MATH. And math is important. I don't care if now every kid in kindegarten has a calculator, call me old school, but I believe every child should have to learn how to AT LEAST do addition, subtraction, multiplication and division without one. Monopoly used to be a great tool for this.

-When you're playing Monopoly and your side of the board is sitting up an inch off the table because of all the money you have stuffed under there, it's so much more obvious to your opponent that they're getting their butt kicked than if you just pass around the ATM machine and show him your balance on the screen. BO-RING!

-How are little kids going to play "store" anymore? I always set up stores on my back porch and we got the cash out of the Monopoly game to play with. I guess kids can use the ATM machine for this as well, but.... man, that just ain't right!

-Finally, what happens when little Tommy gets super pissed that little Suzy beat him so bad? When I was little, he would have taken the banker box and thrown that sucker in the air, cash flying all around... very dramatic, and sure to incite little Suzy to tears. Now what? He's gonna throw the ATM box and the debit cards? Definitely not the same drama... unless that ATM box whacks Suzy in the head, in which case Tommy's parents better hope they have some real cash for when Suzy's parents sue them for Tommy causing such trauma to their daughter.

Man, I miss the eighties.

Holy crap, did I just say that?!