Whether it's that old adage that a woman becomes her mother, or my hormones, or something else entirely, my body's desire to create has become overwhelming lately.
It started a while ago, but lately has been manifesting itself outwardly. I am overcome by the need to make something... art, calligraphy, a journal (handwritten... blogging doesn't satisfy the itch for some reason), a baby... hell, the other night I even dreamed up a piece of jewelry that I am now DYING to own (and can't find anywhere online).
For Jodie's wedding, I volunteered to be her florist and site decorator. Partially because I had a lot of stuff leftover from my wedding and knew where to get pretty flowers cheap, partially because I loved the idea of taking a blank community hall and making it something beautiful for her special day.
So I took this:
And made it into this:
And then this:
And then this:
And it was incredibly satisfying. Wore me slam out (thank you, arthritis), but it was worth it. Granted, it was nothing over-the-top amazing or skillful--I'm not very experienced at this at all, and was on a budget. But it was enough that my mom said to me, "What is it that makes you just volunteer to do stuff like that? That makes you feel confident you can just do something like that?"
Truthfully, I don't know. My Nana was an amazing artist, and my mom is too, and my sister is too... and my Dad, on the rare occasions he shows it, is pretty artsy too. So I know it's in me. Apparently, though, as a child, I used to cry when my mom would try to teach me all of these wonderful domestic/artistic skills she has, like flower arranging, and announce loudly, "I WILL NEVER BE A DOMESTIC ENGINEER!"
Obviously she knew something I didn't. Because in my adult life, I take more pleasure out of those things than I ever imagined I would.
I have been thinking about giving painting a go. And then sometime in the next week I'll be expressing my artistic side by addressing my friend Sara's wedding invitations in a style of calligraphy I've never tried, but am psyched to do. (This endeavor was a great excuse to buy a couple of awesome calligraphy books at Barnes & Noble!)
I can't decide if I am just coming into who I was destined to be, or if this is part of our readiness to start a family and that not happening as quickly as we would like. Like, if really I just want to create life, but since that is taking so damned long, instead I need to create SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
Ultimately, I suspect I'm craving a bit of both... becoming a mother and becoming an artist. Which basically means becoming my mother on many levels. And really, this whole "domestic engineer" bit is pretty comfortable for me. :)