Lately, I feel like my wheels are spinning but I'm not getting anywhere.
Part of the problem is that I haven't really focused on a destination. Or that I have so many destinations I'm headed for that I never seem to make any real headway towards any of them.
I want to be a good wife and partner for my husband (and I want him to be a good husband and partner for me--this ain't just my job! :) ). But in that goal, there are numerous destinations: quality time together, quality time apart, keeping the house clean, keeping food in our mouths (because I like to cook), planning for the future, organizing the present. We are super good at quality time together, which I have zero complaints about. The result of that, though, is that I often neglect housekeeping or grocery shopping or any of the other destinations I'm headed for. And then I get frustrated because the house is a mess, and then I get crabby, and then I am definitely just spinning tires in the pursuit of being a good partner.
I want to be a good daughter, friend, granddaughter, sister, etc. With that goal, there are so many people that I want to spend time with, and I find myself putting off spending time with each of them until I really have a nice, good, big chunk of time to spend with them, because I love them all so much that I want to be around them for a long time when I DO see them... but then I find that too many days pass without those big blocks of time presenting themselves, and I feel like I'm neglecting the most important relationships in my life. And then I get frustrated because I haven't seen or talked to most of the people I love in way too long, and then I can't decide who to see FIRST since I need to see EVERYONE.
I want to nurture myself and be the best ME I can be. I want to travel. I want to take classes. I want to exercise. I want to read. I want to watch TV. I want to take naps. I want to write. I want to browse the internet. I want to get organized. I want to print out all of my pictures and make albums. I want to join a book club. I want to cook more. I want to decorate my house. I want to make a budget. I want to figure out how to invest wisely and lucratively. I want to paint. I want to learn how to paint. I want to be a teacher. I want to be better at my job. I want to mentor a kid that needs it. I want to learn more about what's going on in the world. I want to grow a garden. I want to go to the beach.
I want to do it all, I think.
And really, when it comes down to it, I want to figure out not how to narrow that list down, but how to do all of those things. I've never considered myself an overachiever, but, looking at that list, I sort of feel like one. Maybe now that I have that list, though, I can get this bicycle off its stand and actually pedal it down the road...